The grass is green where you water it
As a bride to be right now it may be all about fairy-tales and happy endings. During your first year of marriage things change. Living together can be challenging at times. In times of frustration, anger or imperfect behavior remember above all that you should have ground rules, speak lovingly & always respect one another to help water your matrimonial grass.
1. Set the Ground Rules before Marriage
When my husband and I were planning our marriage we covered alot of ground work ahead of time. We discussed stuff like finances, children, life style and ways to deal with difficult situations. Having these things in place allows for you to view things in reality. My husband and I did not live together before marriage so there were many things that needed to be ironed out before marriage. We were able to keep our personal bank accounts and opened a joint account for household bills. We had to decide what type of family we envisioned and how many children. We went furniture shopping together to pick out new color schemes and fixtures. We took pre-martrial classes that tough us that love is a verb and that each day you have to choose to love your spouse. Love dosen't come natural especially when emotions are running high.
2. Be slow to speak & quick to listen
Often times anger gets the best of you and before you know words start to fly out of your mouth. Hurtful and angry things that are not meant to be spoken to the person you hold so dearly. If you feel that you are starting to get upset take a deep breath. If you feel that you are unable to speak to your spouse lovely ask them if you can take a break or continue the conversation at a later time. Its also a good idea to have discussions in public. Public settings allow people to feel more comfortable and at ease to discuss difficult things.
3. Learning your spouses love language
My love language is gifts and affection, My husbands is words of affirmation, quality time & Physical Touch. Knowing these i'm able to access my husband and see when he is lacking in one of his love language departments and his tank is running low. Being in touch with your husband is almost key for knowing what his true happiness is and how hes fairing in the marriage role. Words of affirmation for my husband is huge and that's why i Had to learn to be mindful of my words when things go heated. Hurtful words can do alot of damage to a persons confidence & love they feel for you. It can empty a love tank so quickly and it could damage trust & confidence in you with your spouses feelings.
4. Respect one another
Respecting one another is pretty much like a promise that you made to each other and to God. To have, to hold and to cherish from this day forward. Being respectful means that you don't talk bad about your spouse to other people. Respecting your spouse means that in a group setting you don't call him out to embarrass him. Respect means that in an argument you don't use curse words or call them names. Respecting your spouse and treating them just as you want to be treated.
5. Financial Freedom
Finances can bring alot of turmoil to a marriage. I remember when my husband an I were dating I was working on repairing my credit. My identity had been stolen and someone purchased a home in my name. My husband always thought that was a negative aspect that I was bringing into the marriage. Once we were married we started going to a financial class called financial peace university. We learned how to do finances together, how to plan, budget and communicate about money. We were able to get on the same page about how we wanted to spend money and how we would make our money work for us. We wanted to live like no other now so that we could be like no other later. This has really been able to put us on the same page as far as spending. Giving us guidelines on when to ask the other if we can spend money. Going through the class made us realize that my no credit meant that I had no debt walking into the marriage and the as a whole we would only have one student loan and car payments. What seemed at the time to be such a negative thing ended up being a great way to start our lives together with minimal debt.
Marriage is a beautiful thing and is a great relationship if you choose to love daily, cherish on another and treat each other with respect. It is the perfect union between a couple that is willing to do anything for one another. Make sure to always keep your matrimonial grass green by watering it daily.